Wasteland Blog

1. In your dreams and fantasies anything is possible. Doing this in reality may be quite something different. DO slow down on your fantasies. Take it one step at the time and only add things and ideas if you feel up to it. DON’T confront your partner with an exact scheme of what you think is supposed to happen. Share ideas and dreams but leave enough space for each other to fill in whatever it is you like.

2. DO establish safewords or other signals. If for whatever reason you don’t want to use safewords, then be sure to tell your partner about this and agree on this mutually. DON’T disrespect or ignore someone’s safewords.

3. DO communicate with each other about both fantasies and barriers. DON’T withhold valuable information. “I don’t like this or that” is also valuable information. If you don’t tell your partner, how is he or she supposed to know?

4. DO try and be as clear about the signals you send out as you can, even when “in scene.” DON’T expect your partner to be clairvoyant. (Tops/doms are not really mind readers…they just seem to be).

5. DO buy quality toys and gear. Or learn how to make quality gear for yourself – the key ingredient is quality, learn all you can about what makes each item high-quality. DO make a habit of testing locks, rings, hooks and suspension gear every time before you use them. Be sure you know the difference between static and shock ratings on ropes and chains if you want to use suspension techniques (we’ll add a section on bondage and suspension tips later). DON’T go for cheap toys, you may seem to save money, but in fact you will get into trouble.

6. DON’T overestimate yourself. Getting a hundred lashes in your dreams is not quite the same as ten “live” ones. Never promise, or threaten with, things you’re not yet certain about for yourself. DO get inspired by what other people do but DON’T think “oh, i can do this or that” without making sure you can. It’s ok to tell others in the scene that there are things you don’t know about or haven’t tried – it often leads to some wonderful “learning experiences.”

7. DO concentrate on the game and on your partner. For one thing, doing things with focus and intent will intensify the experience for both of you. For another, accidents usually happen because you’re distracted. Pay attention and you’ll both have a much better time!

8. Alcohol, drugs or poppers can make a scene unsafe. They will suppress your pain-sensation and can easily pump up your level of general acceptance beyond your control. When in scene your body produces endorphins (a natural opiate) and adrenaline. Artificial stimuli will only interfere with or act to strengthen these things – but perhaps not in the ways you’d expect. Better to learn to use your body’s own chemical reactions. If you choose to ignore this advice be sure you and your partner(s) are aware of what you’re using and that they still agree to play anyway.

9. DO tell each other about physical, mental or medical problems, recent medical treatment and possible medication, if you are taking any.

10. DO be prepared for intense emotions and fierce reactions but DON’T let all this scare you away from all the fun, intense love and great sensations an erotic power exchange scene can bring about.